Today I am feeling a little blah. Let me start out by saying that I am someone who has almost always had an "issue" with my self image. I've been as small as an 8 in my adult life (which looks really small on me) and last winter I got up to my heaviest weight EVER and reached a size 16/18. Needless to say, when January came around and we started actually planning our wedding I knew I had a LOT I wanted to shed before the big day!
So, I set two goals for myself... One "master goal" that I want to ultimately reach SOMEDAY before we start having kids, so I can enjoy at least a small portion of adulthood in my "ideal" shape, and be as healthy as possible for pregnancy. The other goal was what I wanted to get down to for the wedding day.
To reach wedding day goal weight I had to lose 41 pounds, and to reach my master weight i would have to lose 66 pounds. With our wedding set for the end of July I knew I had to bust it out to shed the 41 to get where I wanted to be, and I did. I was in the gym all the time, hardly ate anything "junky", and was completely dedicated and... I DID IT!!!!!
ACTUALLY... I lost a grand total of 49 pounds to be exact!! leaving me only 17 pounds from MASTER GOAL!!! I was sooo happy.
Then came the honeymoon.. wamp wamp. I was ever so lucky to marry a man who appreciates good food as much as I do, he actually PREFERS when I am not skinny, and we just so happened to vacation in good ole St. Augustine, which is SWARMING with nothing but history, beach, and restaurants! I did NOT hold back either. There wasn't a scale where we were staying, which is good because I religiously weigh myself just about every morning and night and I would have been in a bad mood for our whole mooning experience. To make matters worse, I got so used to not weighing myself while we were gone that I didn't get the guts to face the scale until 17 days after the wedding.. bad mistake. Long story short, my happy newlywed self managed to sleep, sunbathe, and dine my way to gaining back 8 horrible nasty josie-grossy pounds. Sounds like a lot to gain in two and a half weeks, but I guess thats what happens when you go from eating salads and grilled chicken to fully indulging yourself so quickly.
So here I sit, frustrated and lacking any source of motivation... I haven't gained any more since I first weighed myself, but I haven't lost anything significant either! I have 25 pounds to reach my master goal weight, and I really really just hate that I allowed myself to get further than the -teens away from it again.
At least I'm not al the way back where I started from. I think I just need a few more days of mourning my 8 pound addition before I am ready to bust it out again. No day like Monday to kick myself back into gear, right? I am making the promise to myself now, NEXT MONDAY I will get back to work, and I WILL conquer my master goal weight within the next 6 months, just in time for spring. I won't let the holidays put it off from me, and I won't be mopey about it ANYMORE.... starting Monday....
Thats enough blah-osity for now!
-Mrs. Knox
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